The truth about friendzone.

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Guy: Score?
Girl: 62
Guy: Nice, What’s the cut off for Ur course?
Girl: 46
Guy: Congrats
Girl: Thanks baby
Guy: Hmmmm, So now am Ur baby? 😳
Girl: Yea
Guy: Can u explain how, so I don’t misinterpret u
Girl: Wat u are thinking is wat i mean
Guy: Tell me what I am thinking.
Girl: Whatever u are thinking is wat i mean
Guy: To me, Considering the way u used it, Someone you love , romantically
Girl: Lwkmd, U funny sha, I call everyone baby, am used to it
Guy: So what does baby mean, when u used it for me
Girl: Nothing just normal slang
Guy: So y did u say whatever I am thinking is what u mean
Girl: Lol, Ok thats wat i mean then
Guy: What do you mean?
Girl: Wat u mean, Is wat i mean
Guy: Do you mean that you love me romantically?
Girl: Lol, Yea
Guy: Are u serious? Are u sure its not just a crush?
Girl: Yea
Guy: Wow, I don’t believe u can be straightforward with me 🙂
Guy: I also feel the same way with u
Girl: Lol Just pulling ur legs since
Guy: 👍
Girl: Lwkmd ooo(laughing)
Guy: Same here too, Playing along 😉
Girl: Lol, U don’t love me? Wat if i was saying my mind, thats how u would have played along and later dump me?
Guy: What if I also said my mind, that’s how u would have been happy I love u while u don’t love me?
Girl: u are so hard to please
Guy: We’re u trying to please me with what u just did now?
Girl: u are just too pompous for my liking
Guy: What have I done now that shows I am pompous??
Girl: Forget oo

Did you see that? Let me explain what happened. The guy and the girl were having a normal conversation when the girl used the word "baby" on the guy for the first time. We all know this word is used for someone you consider close to your heart, or someone you love dearly, but she denied it with the aim of seeing his reaction and knowing what he feels. So the guy tries to understand what she means , but she did a little trick there, affirming whatever it is the guy is thinking so that he can confess what he is thinking to her; which he did; and she said yes. In this situation its the girl that has ended up making her feelings known first, because she said yes, this puts her in a position for the guy to say "sorry I don’t feel the same way", and then the girl would have said "I was only joking" so she was playing it safe. And when the guy said yes he feels the same way, he could have meant it for real, and then the b**ch in the girl came out when she started laughing and saying she was just pulling his legs and calling him funny, so as to feed her ego of course, the smart guy turned the table around and said he was also playing along, and then the girl took it personal and started accusing him that he is going to play her and dumb her. This means the girl actually had feelings for him because if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken it personal. She was playing games with the guy, she was protecting her ego. She didn’t want to take the first move etc. At first it seems as if she has friendzoned him, but as things turned out, it doesn’t seem that way anymore.
At the end of the day, she is claiming the guy to be hers.  Anyway that was a real chat, and similar chats like that happens everyday.

Let’s get to the main: The truth about friendzoning is that, it exist and it doesn’t exist. It exist because almost every guy has experienced it and it doesn’t exist because sometimes being in the friendzone isn’t such a bad thing.

We live in a society where there is intense gender role. The males are expected to be assertive , strong, and actively  initiating. Every other males who aren’t assertive or initiating enough get friendzoned by the ladies he is romantically interested in. The truth is that, women don’t have it in mind to friendzone you right from the start, in fact they don’t even know what they want with you, right from the start. Women don’t really know what they want. You as the guy, would determine where you want to be in a woman’s life at the early stage by acting accordingly and she would have to decide whether she wants that with you or not(chances of her wanting what you want is high). Women don’t decide who they want by thinking or being rational, they decide by how you make them feel. If you make them feel at ease and comfortable and happy and light headed and friendly chit-chat etc, then they will start loving you as a friend, because that’s how you make them feel and that’s what they are giving you; friendship.  But even if you make them feel uneasy, uncomfortable, being risky with them, being confident, being carefree with them, though they could feel the romantic attractions to you but if you don’t tell them what you want is romantic relationship, they will just assume that’s how you are and nothing is ever going to happen. A woman can hardly ever bring herself into a romantic relationship with you if you don’t tell her that’s what you want, no matter what you do, no matter how attractive she finds you, except she is a cheerful giver, who gives without being asked, and don’t expect to find such women everywhere.

My point is this: A woman NEVER knows what she wants with you at the beginning of your interactions with her, the only things she knows is how you make her feel and what you tell her you want from her. So you have to be upfront and straightforward with her, show your self confidence and don’t be scared of rejection, because being rejected is far far better than being "friendzoned", and don’t just go ahead to tell her your intentions right away, make sure at least you guys are getting along; but the moment she becomes too comfortable with you and starts doing things she does to her " buddies" to you, then it would come as a shock to her when you tell her your intention, and then she tells you she is confused because she is now beginning to see you as a good friend with no intention of romance. So be quick with making your intentions known once you guys are getting along, because then she hasn’t really decided what she wants with you, so you are filling in the gap of a romantic relationship with her earlier before she puts you in her list of buddies.

It sounds crazy, I know, men already know if they want to be romantically involved with a woman at first sight, but that isn’t always the case with women, except you are a rich and famous guy that every girl is dying for, then you don’t need to be reading this. You can’t really blame them for being that way, its the way their brain has been wired.

Let me tell you a story, a Facebook friend of mine added me on BBM, although we don’t know each other in real life nor have we meet before, so we started chatting, after I saw her picture, I decided I was going to date her, we were really getting along , and on the third day I told her my intention, that I would like a romantic relationship with her, she was shocked because I was so fast , and it was really soon. This was what I did because I know women don’t know what they want and they make decisions based on how they feel, I made her feel that there was nothing unusual about it by telling her reasons why I like her that way.  She ended up deciding to date me, even though we have never met, even though she has never dated a guy without being friends with him(she told me) , even though she knows close to nothing about me, even though I didn’t really "work" to get her, she still accepted to date me despite the fact that some guys have been disturbing her for months to date her. Why did it happen like that? Because I was fast and straightforward, I wasn’t scared of rejection, I was ready for anything, and I didn’t care if she says no(of course you won’t tell her this, lol), and this she found attractive because it shows how confident I was and she was likely to say yes, considering the fact that I made it clear, what I wanted and I wasn’t ready to settle for anything less; which I also made clear. You see?

It isn’t that difficult. Just be confident and know what you want, let them know what you want, say it, be straight forward and direct, be assertive , be the initiating one, be fast, don’t wait for weeks. That’s what society demands. That’s how their brain has been wired, they only go for a guy who knows what he wants and isn’t scared to say it and act it, and a guy that won’t settle for anything less(just friends), if that isn’t what he wants. Don’t play games and don’t let them play you.

Let’s now talk about the good side of friendzone. Friendzoning is never good if you are sexually/romantically attracted to the woman, quit the friendship if its affecting you please. It’s only good when you are not sexually/romantically attracted to the woman, this way, it is easier for you and you have nothing to loss. You both would benefit a lot from such relationships. She can hook you up with babes, she can help you find out about any girl you like. She can even help you make a good impression on any girl you like by gossiping good about you to the girl or praising you in the girl’s presence, the benefits are endless. But don’t ever ask a third party to ask a girl out for you, it shows you don’t have a backbone, and no woman would find such a man attractive. Always go after her yourself, and let her reject you if she wants you. Don’t take it personal , it has nothing to do with you but with her. There would always be a better girl out there, don’t stop, keep trying. Enjoy life and don’t be put down by any event.

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Post Author: Dr Dee

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