Telling the difference between love and lust

Telling the difference between love and lust

So, is it love or is it lust? Are those loin butterflies you feel or butterflies of the soul? Often, to tell the difference between these two feelings(love and lust) in the early stages of a relationship can be very difficult. It can send our minds into a daze and take our focus away from our daily routine. Love usually also starts out as lust and at some point you may experience both these emotions. This makes it even more difficult to truthfully tell what exactly it is you are feeling.

Both love and lust can make us lose common sense and experience extremely intense feelings towards the other person. Therefore, to help you focus on the work in front of you instead of the dreamy smile you’ll see later, here are a few steps to telling the difference between love and lust.


How do you miss that special someone?
It is a well-known fact that we tend to miss people we have just met much more than people we have known for a while. Similarly, in lust and love, we can miss the other person tremendously during the early stages. The question however must be asked, what exactly is it that you are missing?


Are you missing their to-die for body or beautiful soul? Is it tonight’s romp in the sack that you can’t wait for or is it their recount of their day at work that you love hearing every day? With lust, we usually miss the physical aspects of the other person. The beautiful smile and husky voice. This doesn’t mean there is no other connection or that we are soulless creatures, it just means that the relationship is a lustful one based on pleasure. It may evolve to become more or it may simply remain a lustful experience. With love however, you miss every aspect of that special someone. You look forward to hearing about all the minute details of their day, to their silly giggle and touch. You miss each part of them; that is love.

How do you care?
This is a crucial question to ask yourself. Care can be towards either seeing and being with that person again or towards the person themselves. At first, these two types of care may seem like the same thing, but it is not. This is a difficult one to distinguish between but is important if you want to tell whether it is love or lust.
When you experience feelings of care and affection to the person themselves, a selfless care where you really wish the best for them, that is commonly associated with love. If the care you experience is more focused on when you will be with them again, instead of selflessly wanting whatever is best for them, it may be possible that you are experiencing lust and a more selfish type of care.

What drives you crazy?
Another way to tell the difference between love and lust is to objectively, okay, as objectively as you can, look at which qualities and aspects of the person you are attracted to. What is it that makes you love drunk. Or is it lust drunk? We know, this is where the problem lies.
If you are more focused on their body and their physical looks, it is definitely lust. If you are attracted to their personality and focussed on what they say, how they say it and how they feel, then it is a deeper connection or love.

With lust, sex is often the main objective of your get-togethers, while when you love someone, you want to spend most of your time with them. You look forward to the mundane activities of the day such as cleaning and cooking together.

What do you feel towards the person?
Feelings can be extremely difficult to distinguish between, especially with all those butterflies floating around. Lust, although often fleeting, can be very powerful; it is not an emotionally deep feeling but will still make you feel like you have lost your mind. With love, your heart feels overwhelmed with feelings and notions towards the other person. They run deep within your veins. They are the things poets write sonnets about. The feelings associated with love tend to grow stronger everyday while the feelings associated with lust may fade quickly.
If you listen to your mind, your body and your heart, you should be able to answer these four questions and determine if it is lust or love that has got you feeling so high. Whichever feeling it is, always remember to look after your heart and enjoy each moment while you are experiencing it!

Post Author: Dr Dee

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